Thursday, 23 September 2010

A Bit Of Light Relief

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary
surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet
pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and
sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has
passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean
you haven't done any testing on him or anything.
He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the
room. He returned a few minutes later with a black
Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the
duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the
vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out
of the room. A few minutes later he returned with
a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately
sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back
on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry,
but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!"
she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The
vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my
word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150."

Sunday, 19 September 2010

Clear out

I always cop for it!

Whenenever I utter the immortal words "I'm having a lie-in tomorrow" never goes to plan.

Ding Dong.

Mother is on the doorstep at 11am...with shopping trolley. She comes bearing gifts, says she.

Freshly laundered towels (washing maching is still knackered) and my pans from yesterday's meal.

In addition, trolley was bursting with a few rather large bits. Turns out they are framed embroidery and tapestry pieces that she's had for years. Were hung on her living room wall until this morning. Doesn't want them anymore. She's having a clear out. Two were made by my Dad's girlfriend from home. She gave them to him when he visited...50 years after leaving his homeland. Don't think she was daft enough to wait for him, but it irks my mother a tad...that there was a girl left behind in war time:o(

So, she's on an anti-men crusade. Cause nothing but bother and heartache! lol She's threatened to chuck out half the family photos amongst other things, too. So, Bro is doing his duty at this very mo and saving them! She's having a grief reaction. Says that when she dies there will be no mess to clear up. No silly photos, no dodgy clothing or nik naks, etc. So, they're all coming here..... for the time being. She'll change her mind in six months time and wish them back! lol

Junior is doing some brain training/teasing stuff at the mo and I have FINALLY found a use for algebra that might interest her. Competitions and prize money involved. Woo hoo!

Saturday, 18 September 2010

Water Works

The boys and their over halves have been up to cheer up their gran. Grandchild of Min visited, too. She is sooooo adorable and cute and..bright as a bobbin. Just the ticket to cheer Mother up. We got the old family photos out and had a laugh and ooh and ahh. Junior was happy to see her brothers. They still rib her and give her what for....being the only girl...but she gives as good as she gets. Her neice...grandchild of Min...absolutely adores her, which is all good. They had a sort of game of dominoes, using my Dad's set.

Son no 1 demanded that J bake him some brownies for his visit. (he is a chocaholic). So, Junior obliged. Son No 1 LOVED them. Then we broke the news that they were a 'packet job'. Just open packet, add water, beat, plop in tray and bake. Chocolate drops and marshmallows optional extras:o) lol

Big Bro spent 9 hours with Mother yesterday and today she had us for 5. I am hoping that all this company will help her sleep. Still lots of tears about but I hope they will help her heart heal.

Bro is not himself. Seems a little down. So, he's having a soak and has been in the bath for 3 hours!!!! 3 hours!! Is this a 'man' thing, I ask myself?

Time to boot him out, says my bladder:o)

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Feet Warmers

Won't get much sleep tonight.

It is COLD. Autumn is central heating has been on today...first time. Not the reason for my insomnia.

I came up tonight to find 9 mogs on the bed....and they ain't moving! lol Ah well, at least they keep the old feet warm:o) Tinkerbelle and Olive are the feet warmers:o) But, alas, I fear that party mode will overwhelm them by about 3am....then it's the 'boot'! lol

Camera batteries are still being recharged. We're on a photography course tomorrow. Need our beauty sleep.

Still boiling mad about how David and Mother have been treated. It's not right.

Tuesday, 14 September 2010


Tonight I sat inside a hospital cubicle and witnessed something terrible.

Mother's other half has died. No one from his family was there. Only us two. Me and Mum. She is ABSOLUTELY desolate. I am pretty upset. Hospital staff seem disgusted that not one member of his 'family' was with him...So is everyone else here, at home. He was the nearest thing to a grandad that Junior had. And such a lovely bloke.

When you are sat by the side of someone who is dying.....please hold their hand. Please do. Give them some comfort.

NHS staff are wonderful and caring.

How can I console an 80 year old woman who KNOWS that her OH has been neglected by the Powers That Be.

Before being admitted to hospital he endured a whole weekend, struggling to breathe and no oxygen!

Mum first arrived at the care home this morning (she was not scheduled to visit him but something made her go). He was struggling to breathe. 1.30 doc arrived. 4pm emergency ambulance arrives. 9 pm he is dead! He was VERY weak in the morning but, somehow, he managed to sit up and hug and say he loved her...then he collapsed back.

If her instinct hadn't told her to go to him, he would have died alone because the care home wouldn't have notified her.

He was given oxygen at hospital. When he stopped breathing, I ran out and told the medics. They, of course, knew he was dying. 'Is he dying?' asked one nurse to another during 'shift change'. Other nurse nodded. Mother was inside the curtained cubicle, sobbing her heart out, she was crying 'Please don't leave me, please don't leave me. I will always love you'. 80 years old!

80 years old!

I would bet my daughter's life that Mother could have done a better job than the sodding ptb and their care home and kept him alive longer....with dignity and love....

Some of the care home staff were lovely....the 'indians'''s just that the chiefs clearly are not in possession of the brains they were born with or compassion!

Tonight, Mother wants to be remember....

He didn't deserve this. His name was David...and he was a gent:o))) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Monday, 13 September 2010

Need Musclepower

The washing machine has finally given up its willl to live!

Until a replacement arrives everything has to be hand there are no launderettes in hill billy land. None. Business opportunity for someone here:o)

This will be a good experience for Junior, of how people in poor and third world countries manage to get on without gadgets. Unfortunately, there are no rivers near us, so the bath will have to do. lol

I don't mind handwashing, it's just the squeezing out of excess water that does me and the old rickety joints in. Could do with one of those old-fashioned mangles of yesteryear, the ones that our grannies used. Bet they're like gold dust now, though. Sigh..... (Hmmmmm....that would be a good project. Wonder if I could get bro and Junior to concoct one up? Would keep my leccy bill down.)

Until then, best get eating more Popeye food:o)

This weekend, Junior has been water painting, making jewellery and...... entering lots of win money!! I want a new kitchen, so guess who's entering that one? Where's there a 60 Minute Makeover when you need one? lol

Friday, 10 September 2010

No Protection

We went to the care home again. He has deteriorated. So much so, that Mother is convinced that he will soon die.

She is inconsolable.

We arrived and he was 'sat' in a chair...asleep..mouth wide though he needed air. This 'carer' shoots out and informs Mother that he is ill and a doctor has been called.

He still has the bruises on his forearms. The manhandled type.

Mother gently wakes see what state he is really in; she gently wipes the gunk from his eyes and wipes his face with a face refresh him. His mouth remains open and he gags, as his throat is dry. He reminded me of my Dad when he lay dying..mouth open..gasping for air.

There is no drink for OH so I ask for water. The 'carer', who is filling in forms, doesn't even have the courtesy to lift her eyes and look at me.. and carries on writing and says 'In a minute'. Five minutes later, OH is still gagging, Mother is asking where the drink is... and 'carer' finally gives me a glass...of diluted orange juice, probably because she heard Mother, otherwise we wouldn't have got the drink until form filling was done. I asked for water but take the orange, not wanting to cause a fuss. OH is offered this and immediately pulls a face...his eyes still mostly closed. So, Mother goes directly to the 'carer' and asks if we can have water as he doesn't like the juice. 'Carer' has the audacity to tell her that I asked for juice...which I did not. She speaks to my Mother likes she's a piece of shit. A nothing..An interfering old cow who won't let her get on with her form-filling.

Then, it's cup of tea time. Perhaps they hear me brightly asking OH if he wants a cuppa and one eventually a handless plastic cup. Sigh. I ask if he can have it in a toddler type beaker, so no liquid can spill down his front. We get it and Mother proceeds to get the poor chap to drink. 25 minutes, near enough, she stood and ensured that he had all his drink. He looked a lot better then. Hydrated. He started to keep his eyes open. As he was being given the drink I was holding his hand, so he wouldn't slump back. After he'd had his drink he slowly, really slowly lifted my hand and kissed it. He was saying thank you for caring by the only physical means he had. He was too ill to really speak, but his eyes said it all. It was so hard to witness. I wanted to sob but had to stay strong for him..... and Mother...... who was quietly crying as she cleaned him up. He lifted his hand up and wiped a tear from her cheek. God, I wanted to sob...and scream at all the arseholes, so called professionals who have kept these two apart..just because they can.

I sobbed when I got home.

Mother asks 'carer', if he is poorly, why isn't he in bed? Well, apparently, he kept getting up. He doesn't like being alone in his room because when he is put to bed the door is locked! He has always been frightened of being locked up. Even I know that...but we get told that they can't look after him one to one. Well, then he shouldn't be there, should he, if they can't provide adequate care?

It was 3 ish...and he still hadn't had his dinner! Apparently, he was asleep when they were doshing the food out.. They had given him a paracetamol earlier! No wonder he is out of it, I tell 'carer' who replies that she was told to give him it and stomps off.

Mother bursts into tears, again... Now she is convinced he is being starved.

She's still trying to get him out of there to somewhere nearer where she can spend more time with him, rather than endure hours of travelling. He's weak and frail now. Not a surprise really, if there is no food being eaten. ' Mother's fought like a lioness to get him away from there, for him to get the best care. But, they won't let him leave this place. Only in a wooden box.

I'll never forgive them for the pain they've caused. They're fucking heartless!!

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

Giant Cat Litter

I was cleaning out the cat litters today and managed to drop one of the covered ones on my bare foot! Yow. Bloody Yow! So, of course, a little hopping about and cursing took place for a while! Anyway, it must have done some good as I can now bend my arthritic toes:o)

We are 'doing up' the garden.....or rather, Bro is...with his little apprentice, Junior.

He's teaching her how to mark up and measure, etc. There are string lines attached to wooden pegs' all over the place. They have, between them, drawn up a plan and it's looking good:o)

Previous owners laid a load of gravel on the back, with bits of various grasses and pampas plants here and there. The gravel is like a huge cat litter and it's difficult for me to walk on with the old rickety joints. I hate it's going!...albeit slowly.

Already Bro and J have laid a patio seating area away from the prying eyes of Nosey Neighbour. Junior knows how to lay paving slabs and has even laid some herself....and they don't wobble! Yay!

Next project bit is a pond. L-shaped. We're off to B & Q so 'The Landscape Gardeners' can suss out the cost. The last time we were there, buying supplies for the cat run, we were ogling a bamboo plant....6 foot tall..and it was £50. Nice neighbour, the one who is teaching Junior floristry, gave me one of hers the other day. 6 foot tall it is. And she gifted a rare geranium plant that was a favourite of my Gran's. How nice is that! All because Bro mended her gate:o)

Of course, camera batteries are flat and need recharging, so no piccies yet of our horticultural bits, so to speak. I am doing my best and trying to think of ways to protect my new additions from the cocking leg of Bro's dog. Little tinkler:o)

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

I have enough on my plate

Today I am pissed off with red tape and those who hide behind it.

Pissed off with LEA people doorstepping us.

However, the red tape that pisses me off the most at the mo is that which breaks my Mother's heart and that of her other half.

You know he is in a care home. He wants to go home. He is frightened....he told her again yesterday.

Do you know why? Well, she goes to see him and today notices he is down. She asks if he has had his dinner? No, is his reply. She takes him to his room...which he hates but it is the only 'private' place they calm him down. She always brings him some food as he seems to underfed. Today it was trifle and some pie, which he wolfs down. This is strange as he is a slow eater. She then susses out that he needs toileting, so she sees to it and discovers that he has obviously been walking around in soiled pants. The care staff come in with his dinner. Jacket spud with manky red cheese, which has been microwaved to stone. It is WAY beyond dinner time and so Mother asks why he is being fed so late. It is because he wouldn't sit down to eat it, so they with held it, the 'food' until now! Punishment. Mother asks if they asked him why he wouldn't sit down. No, they didn't. Couldn't be arsed it seems. No pun intended.

He is being neglected but no matter what Mother says, it is dissed. This is all going to court and, as far as I can see, the law is an ass if it allows this sort of thing to go on!

She tells them, the so-called carers, that he wouldn't sit down because he had soiled his pants and asks if they would sit down if they had underwear full of crap? They tell her they didn't mean any harm. As if! All this 'care' for just £500 a week! Forcibly taken out of his savings. Bargain or what? Pffffffffff!!

The young and the elderly. Vulnerable targets for these vultures!

Monday, 6 September 2010

There She Blows

Been chasing washing all over the garden today as it's very windy here. Starting to blow a noisy gale, too. The gods are farting:o) Well, better out than in I say! So, here starts today's topic. lol

I used to work with a woman who had been married for over 15 years and had NEVER, ever passed wind in the presence of her hubby! Amazingly, she had had a 100% success rate in the 'escapee' dept, too. No rogue farts in her house, which is a major miracle considering the amount of alcohol she consumed and cigarettes she smoked! Maybe the tar from the nicotine helped bung her up? I don't know. I, of course, found and still find this unbelievable...the non fartum thing... but she swore it was true and was quite taken aback that the rest of us women in the office were not like her. Of course, the silent type could never be me..or my back end. Would be incapable of 'holding on..or in'... as the old Sphincter muscle responsible for things at that 'end' is well and truly shot..but at least it's given me a giggle or two...with more to come, I should imagine! ...........Jacket spud with beans for lunch:o))))

Oooooops!! Junior takes after her mother...bless:o)) ..and still hasn't mastered the art of foiling any escapees. Lots of 'Ooooops' and giggles here:o)
From our garden. Yummy. We grew these in a 1ft x 2ft tub.
Popeye with the 'I am not amused, who did that 'cos it wasn't me?' look. Yes...cats do fart!
Cherubs floating around our upstairs, floaty, cloudy ceiling


Sunday, 5 September 2010

Silly Woman and Poor Cows

We've run out of milk...and I can't be arsed to hobble up to the local little supermarket and get more. Bro is here in his repair man capacity and he and J like their morning cereal! It's their fault we've run out! lol I'm ok with milkless tea.....but J is into her milkshakes and smoothies.....and can't stand soya milk, I'm afraid.

There is no excuse really for being milkless as I drive past the place a million times a week. I think it is 'inner me' feeling guilty for all what the poor bovines have to go through to quench our thirst for the white stuff.

We pass a field full of lovely bulls each time we're out and about. Beautiful animals of a lovely red/ginger tone..the sort of divine, glossy colour that you'd pay a fortune for at the hairdressers! I was planning to take Junior up for a lookie closeup this weekend..and to see the sheep, too. ...But...

We spotted a live animal transorter the other day, going in the direction of the not so local and not, by all accounts, nice slaughterhouse. Sent my blood cold!

Yesterday the cows were gone and have now probably been transfigured into burgers and the like.

I know people will always eat meat but I wish there was a kinder way with regards the slaughtering. Can't be very nice being strung up, upside down, on metal chains with the rest of the herd, conveyer belt style, and then..............chop! Urghhhh!

So, everytime I find myself wandering down the sooopermarket meat aisles , all I can hear is fear!

It would have to be me that develops a phobia about buying milk! lol

Yesterday Mother was telling me her War Tales, again. How, when she and my Gran were in Germany and slaves to a German farmer, that she'd go and shelter with the cows, in the field, under the trees whenever there were bombs dropping from the sky. Sod the air raid shelters or cellars, she wanted to be with the animals. They'd all shushhh, huddle tightly together, quietly under the trees. The cows would put their heads down and bring mum (then aged 11-12) to them........the nearest they could to holding her. She was, not doubt, gripping them in return! There she was, in the centre of a bovine 'minder' huddle. She was their caring friend, 'cos she never hit or beat them. They, in turn, would give her a sly drink of milk, without the farmer bloke knowing:o) lol

Anyway, with the lovely cows gone we shall go and collect wild sloes and blackberries instead. We're in line for a huge supply of bramley apples from 'nice neighbour' and Junior is intent on transforming these into crumbles for the freezer so we can consume them during the winter months:o) I'm going to make some more apple and chili jelly. yum. But what can you make with sloes, apart from sloe gin? Never liked gin but have been told sloe gin is totally different tastewise. With my limited internet time, due to temperamental laptop, I have no chance of googling anything, let alone writing the recipe down! lol But hey....lookie's stayed on for a whole 30 minutes! woo hoo!!

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Plan B

Well, Kelly Clarkson might have got munched but the Black Eyed Peas have come to the rescue! Yay!!
An impromtu visit to another dear old Home Bargains resulted in my spying a batch of these singing toothbrushes.....and there were LOADS. So, Junior is now brushing her teeth to the warblings of Will I Am, Fergie & Co...something about Let's Get it Started:o)
New singing toothbrush..high up...away from the munchers

Funky new bathroom bin

Gratuitous photo of Bart.
Bro's cat, Scratchy

Birthday Girl, Cilla. 8 yesterday:o)

Snapshot of our cherub, fluffy clouds and candelabra ceiling. There's a cherub hiding behind the right hand bulb

Today we are off to Mother's on a 'Take her mind off things and thus cheer her up' mission. We bought supplies yesterday and so we're going to get M to supervise the making of pyroghi....aka Ukrainian potato dumplings. She has this recipe for velvety soft tough stuff... The p's are boiled up for a few minutes, strained and smothered in slowly sauteed chopped onions. Mwah!!!! We aim to make lots and is smacking his lips as we speak and Sons 1 & 2 are hovering for their share, too! lol Comfort food:o)

We've been and bought a few new books we don't have enough already! lol Junior is really into the James Wong stuff......Grown Your Own Drugs.....which, for the uninitiated, is not a grow your own cannabis manual but a sort of home made, herbal remedy, diy sort of book authored by a young it has a modern, funky twist on it and is quite readable. Junior is after making a few beauty creams, lip salves, etc. I've spotted a Rose and Clove hair removing sugar. Sugaring is supposed to be less painful than waxing. The author's road tested it on himself and, apparently, sugar doesn't stick to the skin like wax does = less pain. So......shall I or shan't I? Or maybe I should first find a willing hairy leg to practice on? lol