Tuesday, 20 January 2009

Cough, Thank God for Tena Lady:o) and Why do I get all the Rude People

I have been ill and offline.  Poverty and illness...and harassment from 'Spawn of the Devil council tax collectors who have got it wrong' and I am too ill to fight..... not a jolly combination.    I understand why people jump off very high bridges, etc.

With the latter, I shall have to really, really practice at the hexing!!!  And, when the time comes,  not vote for the useless MP!!

I've had mad people banging at my front door and windows (when we were really ill).  Weirdo and Snitch...aka horrible neighbour has a habit of lifting up the fence panels in the back garden.  Why?  He is ODD.  Anyway, he let this mad couple come through on to my property via his fence-lifting activity.   They bang and bash on our back door and windows.  (we were still upstairs with orbiting, flu-ridden heads and bodies).  I rings the police.  What do they want? they ask.  I do not know, I reply.  I am ill and have a frightened child here but the bloke has trespassed on to my 'enclosed' back garden and is attacking my back door.  She sighs......OK, she will send someone round.   Blimey...don't put yourself out, will you, thinks me...with a bigger sigh.  I pay these people via my council tax, don't I?

I opens window and asks what the ***** hell they want.  Turns out they want 'their' cat.  

Sigh......bloody stupid idiots!!  Why would I want their cat?  I have enough of my own.

Anyway......What cat?

Her cat is, supposedly, sat on MY back bedroom window sill and has a yellow collar on.  

There is no yellow collar in this house on any cat and she needs her eyes testing, I tell her.

Oh yes there is, she retorts.

Rude bloke asks why I have a cat crate up against my back door?  You want to stop them getting out?

What business is it of yours? I ask.

 I tell him that you should not let cats out until they are six months old and spayed or neutered.

I get the sarcastic 'Oh really/as if/ whatever reply from him.

And you wonder why YOUR cat has gone missing?  7 months old, not neutered.  He is out doing what nature intended, you bloody idiot!!

I ask spineless, bastard, fence-lifting weirdo neighbour to confirm the cat is mine.  He says he hasn't seen it before, which is hard to believe, given his fence-lifting ways. 

Neighbour from other side is out by now.  She says maybe this woman is seeing things and going round the back of the house is extremely rude.  I nod in agreement.

The cat in question was Bart.  He of roof scaling fame.

He is my cat, I tell Rude Woman.

No he isn't, she and brain-dead boyfriend reply.

Meanwhile, PC Plodess arrives.  Talks to them and comes in to see me.  I tell her Bart is ours.  I have proof..pictures, DNA via his mother , father and siblings. and recent vet visit.   She sees Bart and proceeds to call him by the missing cat's name.  He ignores her, of course and continues to lick the place where his crown jewels once were.

PC Plodess goes out and informs the trespassers.  I carry Bart out and Rude Woman admits he is not her cat.  I tell her I know that.  He is mine...born on my bed!!    Bloke says he is going.  I give him a bollocking for his behaviour and for trespassing.  No apology came...from either of them.  

Plodess comes back in and 'suggests' that I give Bart to the woman (who had by now turned on the waterworks because of mising cat).

Why would I want to give her MY cat when she can't look after the one she had?  Well, says Plodess, It will make everyone happy!  
I refrain from asking her how she gets that and telling her where to go.  And say absolutely no way are they having any animal of mine, after the way they had barged in being extremely rude and aggressive.  Plus, they can't look after the one they had, I repeat.  She then tells me it's a civil matter if I want to take it further!!

I am spitting blood.  I am in possession of an orbiting, fuming head!!!

What should I do about freaky, weirdo neighbour?  Son no 2's best mate is threatening to go round and 'sort him'.  Junior is erring on the side of violence, too.  I, on the other hand, have a great wish to electrify the bloody fence.  Big Bro says he will come down from Up North and have 'words' with the guy.....and then electrify the fence!!  lol

'Scuse language.  Believe me, if I'd been able to blog it straight away it would be 'bleep' all the way!!


Brad said...

Two words: Voodoo doll.

I know it may bring bad karma, but oh the sticking of pins can feel good.

Minnie said...

Lol. I know just the place where to stick them!!

Ruth said...

Sorry but I am howling with laughter. This the funniest post I have read for ages:) I cannot believe the plodess.

Minnie said...

Ay Ruth. Welcome to my life. I am surrounded by ninkanpoops. lol Glad I can make someone smile.:o)

Wish someone would go sort out and give the council whatfor for me so they leave us alone. sigh.