Thursday, 16 July 2009

Time to worry about parents

I've been very preoccupied with my mum at the mo.  She's knocking on a bit.... she never expected to get to 80...nor did we 'kids'.

She's a tough, old bird (I mean this in the nicest way, of course).  She's had such a hard life, not uncommon with folk who have lived through Stalin and WW2 and all the crap that left.  So, she says it as it is nowadays.  She can be blunt, bossy, aggressive, etc but it's only because she's had to be, to survive.  She says what she has to say, then it's gone.  Back to normal for her.  She just thinks if she tells it how it is, ie; truth in her eyes, then everything is ok.   She doesn't 'get' the aftermath.  lol

So, she had a 50+ year marriage.  Nursed my dad most of the time and went out to work to support us all when we were little, because he couldn't.  No benefits or handouts in those days.  A hard life, indeed.   I remember having no toys and being hungry on occasion, but you don't get why when you're a kid, do you? 

Anyway, one thing that she's good at is nursing.....caring.  She'll be there at the drop of a hat if anyone needs help.  Always been like that.   We once fell out quite spectacularly, 'cos of aforementioned bossiness.  I became seriously ill and she was there within half an hour of the 'help' telephone call from my kids.

After Dad died we kept her busy with things and she was ok.  Eventually, she met people, friends, etc and started getting 'out and about'.  She met someone.  Nice.  They love one another, although she will never admit her feelings in such a direct way, but you can see it.  They got on very well, most of the time.!!   Both independent.   So well that they promised to be there for one another if need be, if one of them became ill.  My mother keeps promises:o)  She and her friend made plans for a life together.  They wanted a stab at happiness second time around:o)

But, other person has, apparently, got dementia.  Had a panic attack and got oiked into hospital.  Been taken over by social services and locked up in a hell hole aka care home.  Mum can't see this person anymore, because when she first went to visit she was so appalled by what she found...and she let them know about it.  They reckon she's making up this relationship that she has with her friend...  Been barred because she won't conform to their rules and stays true to her promise to her friend.  Daring to criticise procedures.  They have been split up.  She can't see this friend without an army of 'observers' around them,  to inaccurately record their conversation, so they can't have a normal, private meeting.  This is not good.  It's not right.  It's a breach of Human Rights.   If her friend becomes upset, for whatever reason, then mother will be blamed and barred from visiting, even though friend wants her there, wants to be with her, go places with her.  Breach of HR.  Abuse.

I've gone apeshit, of course!!  How dare they treat an elderly person with such disrespect?   And what about the 'friend', who is so lovely? 

The origin of all this aggro is a personality clash with certain so-called professionals, who ought to know better but, it seems, have twisted things to make out mother is 'unsuitable'.  They want to prove a point that they have 'power'.  

She cries every day.  Sometimes, she cannot be consoled.  She feels lost, desolate.  Bereaved again. It's horrible to witness.  I can't make it better.  Why are some people in social services and the care sector such power crazy bastards?........  Because they can and do get away with it.    Abuse is everywhere!!..  some just hide behind the SS 'badge'.  They need monitoring, totally.

I hope the people who are responsible for splitting up this lovely relationship go to hell for eternity.   Bastards indeed. But, what goes around, comes around!!

1 comment:

Tracy x said...

gosh i am so very sorry to hear this horror story - i worked with the elderly for many years and have seen first hand how they are treated so badly as if they are no longer of any use to society - so sad :(
hopefully this will cheer you up a little - pop over to my blog and see :)
hugs to you
t x