Sunday, 21 December 2008

Celebrate

Happy Yule, everyone:o))

and....

Happy Birthday to Michael, my lovely, kind, funny and handsome nephew:o))  xxxxx  One of those people with a heart of gold. xx  A lovely, lovely bloke who watches out for his Mum and keeps an eye out for his Dad....even though he and his Dad don't see eye to eye, it seems.

He was born 29 years ago.  My sis already had one child and had lost a son, Peter,  who was stillborn.  Sis and hubby were so poor that they couldn't afford a funeral, so the baby was buried with another adult.   A stranger.   They don't know where he is buried.  What if that person had been cruel in life?  Makes my blood run cold.

To me, it's like something from a bad movie.  Oliver Twisty.  Work Housey.   How could people let that happen?  He deserves his own resting place, surely?  He was never blessed by a priest.  It broke my parents' hearts, too.

My Mother lights a candle for him every time she goes to church.  For Peter, my Dad and Gran (Baba). xxx  

Sis was desolate when she lost the baby and so was not herself.   Desolate.    She never got to hold him and say what she wanted to say to him.   To kiss and cuddle and just....hold.   It's the not being able to hold him that just cuts.  If I couldn't hold Junior then I'm sure I would die!  Just to be able to hold and hug the ones you love, especially your children,  is so important.   They knew that he had died inside her but made her wait until natural labour took place.  She knew she wasn't giving 'birth' .  What hell could that have been?    He was taken away, never to be seen again.  Put in a refrigerator.  Cruel or what?   Why wasn't she allowed to hold her own baby?   It's heartbreaking and I wish I had been older and thus wiser and able to help her.  I was just a child then, though.

She has searched the cemetery and just cannot find him, so it's just messed her head up.  She's never recovered from her loss and him not making it has just cut her to pieces...and our family, to be honest, as she has changed from the vibrant girl to someone who just plods on, day to day.  She is not the same person and has withdrawn from everything...absolutely everything and everyone.  She talks to me, no-one else, about things of the 'head and heart' sometimes...not often though.  I 'get' her, if you know what I mean?  Others in the family don't and just think she should get on with it.    Hubby just wants to get on with life too, even after all these years, but sis can't so they are not happy.  She has been grieving for 33 years and can't find peace.... and he just doesn't know how to make it better.

So, Peter, up there with Dido and Babushka , Auntie M loves you lots.   And I wish I could have held you, too.  xxxxxxx


2 comments:

Little Knitter Gem said...

That's so sad. I believe that cemeteries have to keep records of who is buried where. Maybe she could ask them for any info they have - to help her finally have peace. Blessings to all of you.

x

Dawny said...

i think the hospital has to keep records too, not sure if it's possible to ask them?
lost babies , awful , hugs xxxxxx