Bet you can't watch this all the way through. Enjoy your food.

Turn the Christmassy music off and listen. You'll cry.

It gets a bit better a few minutes in.

Makes my blood boil that this sort of thing happens. Kindness is free.

Celebrate

Happy Yule, everyone:o))

and....

Happy Birthday to Michael, my lovely, kind, funny and handsome nephew:o))  xxxxx  One of those people with a heart of gold. xx  A lovely, lovely bloke who watches out for his Mum and keeps an eye out for his Dad....even though he and his Dad don't see eye to eye, it seems.

He was born 29 years ago.  My sis already had one child and had lost a son, Peter,  who was stillborn.  Sis and hubby were so poor that they couldn't afford a funeral, so the baby was buried with another adult.   A stranger.   They don't know where he is buried.  What if that person had been cruel in life?  Makes my blood run cold.

To me, it's like something from a bad movie.  Oliver Twisty.  Work Housey.   How could people let that happen?  He deserves his own resting place, surely?  He was never blessed by a priest.  It broke my parents' hearts, too.

My Mother lights a candle for him every time she goes to church.  For Peter, my Dad and Gran (Baba). xxx  

Sis was desolate when she lost the baby and so was not herself.   Desolate.    She never got to hold him and say what she wanted to say to him.   To kiss and cuddle and just....hold.   It's the not being able to hold him that just cuts.  If I couldn't hold Junior then I'm sure I would die!  Just to be able to hold and hug the ones you love, especially your children,  is so important.   They knew that he had died inside her but made her wait until natural labour took place.  She knew she wasn't giving 'birth' .  What hell could that have been?    He was taken away, never to be seen again.  Put in a refrigerator.  Cruel or what?   Why wasn't she allowed to hold her own baby?   It's heartbreaking and I wish I had been older and thus wiser and able to help her.  I was just a child then, though.

She has searched the cemetery and just cannot find him, so it's just messed her head up.  She's never recovered from her loss and him not making it has just cut her to pieces...and our family, to be honest, as she has changed from the vibrant girl to someone who just plods on, day to day.  She is not the same person and has withdrawn from everything...absolutely everything and everyone.  She talks to me, no-one else, about things of the 'head and heart' sometimes...not often though.  I 'get' her, if you know what I mean?  Others in the family don't and just think she should get on with it.    Hubby just wants to get on with life too, even after all these years, but sis can't so they are not happy.  She has been grieving for 33 years and can't find peace.... and he just doesn't know how to make it better.

So, Peter, up there with Dido and Babushka , Auntie M loves you lots.   And I wish I could have held you, too.  xxxxxxx

Weekend

Have had a weekend full of family visitors.

Bro has been to help sort out practical things....like back gate, sorting security,  lights, washing line (yippeee!!)....and has been good company:o))

I don't know why we ended up living so far apart.   Will soon be remedied, hopefully.

His dog, Max,  is HUGE!!  Blummin Scoobydoo gone wrong.....but soooooo soft.  He even ended up sleeping on my posh sofa..mainly 'cos I couldn't get him off 'cos he weighs too much!!!  He is such a lovely dope.  He's so big that he has his own armchair at home:o)

He's so nice with the mogs, although Cilla isn't too keen on him!!!  Maybe she demands a bit more intelligence!!

Olive's last litter has gone... new homes.

Junior.  Upset, as per the norm.  Anyway, they have gone to lovely homes and will be spoiled rotten.

Ollie is due in to the vet's after Crimble.  I am worried...given LooLoo's reaction to being spayed.   Ollie and LooLoo are really similar physically; long-haired, light as a feather while the others are heavier.   LooLoo is at last walking.  Just a bit at a time.  She's been wiped out by the op, so is being lavished with tlc and upmarket cat food.  Tinkerbelle, who was 'done' two days after Loo, is like the proverbial Tigger:o) 

Camera has been playing up of late...sigh!!!  We did/do have great photos!!!

Arthritis playing up too...means I am REALLY slow at everything (what's new? did I hear you say.  lol) with typos galore.  Bugger!!!!  Shall keep taking the oil!!! lol

We're trying to put up Christmas decorations.  Junior has two little trees, both lovingly adorned....and being eyed up by the mogs. lol    Found some posh, singing and dancing twinkly lights in the garage.  They're going up in my bedroom; 'tis where I can sort of guarantee that they won't be used as an assault course and so felines won't be barbecued!!   "Weeeeeee.  look at me.  I'm swinging"..........Bang...sizzle!"   

Foot Bliss

Been trying out a bit of the old reflexology.  Ok, foot massage:o)

Seeing as I'm still struggling with iffy joints, thought I'd give it a go.  Junior, of course, had the job of Chief Massager.  lol    We struck a deal.  A sort of "I'll do yours if you do mine" type of arrangement.   I explained to Junior about reflexology and she seems quite interested, so my old books are coming out:o) 

Anyway, 20 mins each using the Barefoot Doctor lotion that we had kicking about.  Was bliss.  No smelly feet and, I can walk alot better.  Junior is happy, too.  It's relaxed her and she went straight to the land of BoBos once her head hit the pillow:o)

We're doing this twice weekly now, purely for relaxation and footcare.  

I did think of this as a possible new career in a former life.  That or herbal medicine, which I have great respect for.  It cured me of gallstones and I was eyeing up university courses at one point but the unis were too far away for someone with kids and I would never have been able to manage everything.   Sigh.....so, for now, I potter about.

Daughter is into herbs.  She has her pots of basic stuff, which she's always snipping and adding to her food.  We sometimes buy pots of basil and coriander and she munches the leaves as we walk around the supermarket!!  eeeek!!   She is, of course, into cookery and especially likes this person, so Santa is bringing her  this.       Junior isn't vegetarian;  she'll be trying out all these recipes asap, me thinks.  When she has her cooking head on, the kitchen looks like it's been hit by a hurricane.   lol !  Clearing up is always the worst job and is when I wish I had a dishwasher.    I think she likes this particular chef/cook because she's very even tempered and informative, with none of that effing and blinding that some of the other chefs seem to deem necessary.

Tomorrow is 'attempt to waddle around town' day and purchase stuff.  I have not a lot of dosh and I'm not really into overindulgence nowadays.  I've seen the light!!  lol    The green/eco/frugal way for moi:o))    Trouble is, most people I know seem to think the more you spend on someone, the better it is.  The boys, especially, feel the need to spend fifty quid on each present.  'Tis madness.  Told them no more than a fiver for me, tenner at the most as it's the thought that counts.   The less you spend, the more thought you give to the gift.      Here endeth my sermon.  lol  

Anyway, need to get arse into gear.  Humbug!!

Dark Nights

Junior is sort of recovered from the flu.  Still has a chesty cough but she's got an appetite back, sort of.  

We've been making the most of the dark nights.  Curtains drawn and snuggling indoors, trying to keep warm and eating comforting, healing food.  Shutting out the crap from the outdoor world.  I love the dark nights.  All the peace and quiet.  I end up doing all sorts of rearranging.  Bit like nesting, I suppose.   We've rearranged furniture to maximise warmth and cosiness.    The mogs have been doing their bit for peace in the Min household and switching off the phone by stepping on the Belkin.  lol

On the subject of warmth and cosiness, we're making novelty draught excluders...or trying to...and Junior has been Christmas card making.  Her efforts are quite good, but she gets her hair off when something goes wrong.  You can hear her muttering away...."stupid, stupid".  Little perfectionist that she is!

I don't much care for Christmas, though.  Can't get in the mood for it.  The over commercialism drives me mad plus it's the month when Dad went.  But, hey ho, must make an effort.  Tomorrow shall buy some twinkly lights to put up in the window:o)

 

Dad

Been thinking of Dad.

We lost him on this day a few years ago.  I was expecting Junior at the time and my family were concerned that I might miscarry because of grief.  

Dad knew he was going to be a Grandad again to a little girl.  First birth child of mine.  I was the last of the kids to 'produce' physically, so it was a big thing.  All his sprogs had become birth parents!     He desperately wanted to hang on and 'meet' her.  But, sadly, it wasn't to be.  I know he watches over her, guardian angel-like.  He said he would.  She has some of his traits.  Stubbornness....and his eyebrows!!!  And she cheats at cards!!!

Mother, of course, was desolate when he died.  50+ years of togetherness had ended.  Ups and downs and the like.  I was at work when I got the 'call' to go the the hospital as it was 'time'.  I lived over a hundred miles away.  So, my lovely workmate rang the kids' school and explained and soon after I collected them at the school gates and we were on our way up the motorway to the hospital.  The boys were bewildered but very protective.  Primary school aged kids protecting their mum:o))  I drove on autopilot. 

Everyone else was there when we arrived.  Even an old family friend, Emilia.  Beautiful woman, salt of the earth type.  Adopted auntie, if you like:o))  She was another WW2 refugee.    

It turns out that Dad had been hanging on for me.  Everyone was in bits...especially Mother.  My siblings couldn't bring themselves to stay in his room for any time.   Watching someone die is no fun when they are struggling for breath.    After a while I asked if Mother had eaten or had a break?  No.  So I took her for a 'break'.  She needed it.  After a while, maybe 20 minutes, she sat bolt upright and said she had to go back, so we went.  It was time and 20 minutes later Dad was gone.  Mother sobbed at his bedside.  But I didn't cry.  I couldn't because of Junior.   I couldn't lose her too.

We felt relief that he was no longer suffering.  So now we had to support Mother.

  

When we got back from the hospital, their dogs were waiting.  They knew!!!!!    and comforted Mother in their way.  A few days later, Mother laid out Dad's burial clothes on a bed.  His favourite suit and Ukrainian tie.  They had been dry cleaned.   And thermals.  She didn't want him to be cold:o)   We were pottering around downstairs and I noticed that one of the dogs was missing.  Went upstairs and found him laying, hugging, curled up on the burial clothes:o))  Wouldn't leave them.    Broke my heart to see that and when the dog eventually died, years later, we scattered his ashes on Dad's grave, so they are together again:o)

None of my siblings could bring themselves to sleep at 'home' once he'd died.   So, I stayed.  Autopilot, again.    Couldn't leave Mother on her own. He came home the night before the funeral. I thought I would hate it, but it was strangely comforting.

What do other people do on such 'anniversaries'?  Do they congregate together, have a post wake type of thing, or what?

We don't seem to be such a family.  We all contemplate, remember, celebrate in our own ways....on our own.  No gatherings. 

We are a strange lot.

Now I can cry...and I do  But he's probably up there telling me to stop being such a wuss!!  xxx 

He was just an ordinary bloke with faults, just like any other.  Forced out of his homeland and away from his loved ones because of some tyrant.  Did his bit and best to help keep us ALL free.

My Dad, the Hero:o))) xxx

Yes, it'snot!!

Junior has flu.  Poor thing.  

She does not sleep or eat well with this., having a head full of mucous.   You know how it is.  

So, Vick, Oil of Olbas and the tissues reign here!  And throat tablets to help keep an irritating cough at bay!   And Lucozade.

The mogs are doing a sterling job of keeping her feet and back warm while she's lolling on the sofa.  (warmer down here)  Cilla acts like a foot muff when she's on the computer.

Iffy joints and flu.  What a pair of old crocks we are!  lol